I have a confession..I am not tidy. I am a great clean house guest, I love to clean someone else’s place or organize their closets, but when it comes to my apartment I rely on my cleaning lady to bail me out. All my friends who know my cleaning issues have told me to read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo. This book is bigger than Quinoa and Kale combined. The Kondo method of home organization consists of a lot of discarding before tidying. The same principals apply to how we deal with social media after a breakup or being dumped. Less is more, and unnecessary crap interferes with transforming our lives. Holding onto old sweaters, scrunchies and receipts is akin to following your ex on Instagram or looking at your old photos of you together on Facebook. You have to let go of your bullshit to move on with your life. But how and how do you get through the pain?
Step 1: Love yourself enough to stop stalking your ex on Facebook or Instagram:
We all fall into this pattern. After a breakup we turn into a total creeper on Facebook. What are they doing today? Do they look happy? How can I plan on “accidentally” running into them and the worst..are they dating? This only makes you feel worse. This affirms you are looking at life through the rear view mirror. Self care is essential for healing after the end of a relationship and goes far beyond getting a manicure or buying cashmere throw pillows. Excessive worry, anguish and obsessively checking Facebook does not allow the wound to heal. This is tough to do, but I suggest unfollowing your ex.
Step 2: Love yourself enough to delete the past
I remember when my ex first left. I wanted to hold onto everything of his for as long as possible. I had his things in the closet in the same place where he left them after disappearing. Thinking somehow it was still like he lived with me and didn’t vanish. This is very understandable since we associate feelings and memories with possessions. It wasn’t till I moved into a new apartment that I started to throw stuff out. Honestly, I was forced to by my mom when she started throwing junk away behind my back. This also applies to the archives we have on social media. This is hard, so call a friend to sit with you and delete, delete, delete. See if you can prevent the opportunity for yourself to have a weak moment one night after a bottle of wine and look through your entire relationship online. I suggest untagging yourself in any photo you are in with your ex and deleting any photos you have posted with them. Create more space on social media to post images with future partners in your new life.
Step 3: Love yourself enough to take a social media break
Use your breakup as an opportunity to flush out all the toxins that have been building up. Try taking one full week off of social media and live presently rather than in the past or online. In order to start a new life we have to live in the real world, not on our phones. I spend quite a lot of time on social media, but sometimes you just have to take a time out. Getting stuck in a trap of comparing our lives to others who appear happier when we are broken hearted doesn’t help our personal growth. The goal of this final step is to be as present as possible while you are truly feeling your feelings.